Saturday, February 27, 2010

Reflections...

Somehow I mean to blog, but never find the time to sit down to actually WRITE even though I have the time, but just never take it. I don't know how writers over the generations managed to spin things out, but then again, they didn't have stuff like Facebook, MySpace, online gaming, or any of those other vices that have become such a major part of our culture. Then again, I find myself quite the Facebook freak!! Then again, I want to have something interesting to write, but either loose it in the depths of my mind, or it just evades me kind of like when I wake up in the middle of a really good dream.

Nevertheless, it's been a relatively quiet 2010, as well as uneventful. Been so immersed with my music theory, music history, applied music classes and with both choirs I'm in that time just flies by. The classes are going great, but intense, especially as I prepare for my audition to University of the Pacific in Stockton for January. Finally got the Italian art song, "Star Vicino" down, but now working on Robert Schumann's "Widmung," Gabriel Faure's French art song, "Le Secret," Ralph Vaughn Williams' English art song, "The Vagabond" from "Songs of Travel," as well as a couple arias from oratorios or operas. Not to brag, but I am very proud of how my voice has developed and the operatic quality it has. While I enjoy showtunes and Broadway, I think I've found a new vocal niche with the art songs. Also may have a couple new opportunities if I audition for Kurt Weill's "Berlin to Broadway" at City Theatre, or take up the invitation to sing in the chorus of the Sacramento Ballet's production of Carl Orff's "Carmina Burana." I wish I could do more with my music right now, but job kind of gets in the way. Am hoping to try and leave the grocery business soon!!

Oh, and I can't go without talking about one of my favorite events, the Olympics! I was excited about Vancouver hosting the games and even though four years seems far away, it always creeps up on us. In fact, it still seems like last year that I watched the 2006 games in Turin and gawked at those god-awful dresses the placard bearers wore during the parade of nations (ironically set to 1970's and '80's American dance music). Doesn't seem that long either watching the children of the light skate across the stadium or the 1980 Miracle on Ice men's hockey team light the cauldron in Salt Lake City in 2002. However, the opening ceremonies for this year's winter games topped the last several with all the special effects and such (especially with the whales!). Or that one guy who danced while suspended above the various images. However, what I was most curious about was how they were going to light the cauldron, being that the ceremonies were indoors for the first time ever. Was disappointed to see the glitch at the end, but was totally taken back when Wayne Gretzky was being driven to the visible cauldron. It was also quite a moving sight to see ordinary people join in the Olympic spirit and just start spontaneously running alongside and behind the truck with Gretzky and the torch. It'll be kinda sad tomorrow night when watching the closing ceremony, but at the same time, we have the summer games to look forward to in London in 2012 (although I like the winter games better, but do watch the swimming, diving, wrestling, and basketball in the summer games). Will be interesting to see the presentations from Sochi, Russia tomorrow night, as Sochi will be hosting the next winter games in 2014. And let's also keep our fingers crossed for Reno-Tahoe as they explore a bid for the 2022 winter games.

Well, that's enough random thoughts for tonight. Looking forward to my much needed break from work after this next week, a trip to SF, and seeing "A Flea in her Ear." G'night, pleasant dreams, and a happy tomorrow.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Another Auld Lang Syne, but not the "Same Auld Lang Syne,,,"

Happy New Year/New Decade!!

I hope that this latest rumination finds everyone enjoying the start to this new decade as we say good riddance to 2009 and hello to 2010. It was definitely a far cry from ten years ago when we all swept up in the fear and uncertainty of the year 2000, whether the world was going to come to an end, whether the computer systems would still operate, whether the power would still be on or not, etc.. There was a degree of excitement and fear as we heralded in a new decade and a new century. But, nonetheless, things went on as usual, the power turned on, the computer worked, and life went on as usual (well, until that fateful September morning in 2001, where the world and the USA was changed forever). While 2009 has not been the best year, the decade has been another story. It certainly has been an interesting decade and went by faster than I imagined that it ever would. There is so much to reflect on these past ten years, that I figure I may as well start with the end of 1999, as 1999 was quite the turning point in my life.

As I list on my Facebook page and soon to be defunct MySpace page, I graduated high school in June 1999, which was the beginning of a new journey and in a way, a new life. To be quite honest, I was ready to get out of high school, get away from the people who made my life hell, get away from all the bullshit and drama that high school brought, and begin the journey of becoming a teacher, something I always aspired to do since I was way young. After an uneventful summer, I began taking classes at American River College, which was successful despite the fact that I didn't do as well in a couple of the classes I could have. It wasn't really until Fall of 2001 that I got my act together and actually finished without a C in any class. I also got my first job in 2000, as I worked at Raley Field, home of the AAA Baseball team, Sacramento Rivercats, who moved from Vancouver, BC earlier that year. While I liked the people I worked with, the work was hell, but a learning experience that life isn't easy at all. You have to give up a lot of things, especially many different interests and activities. I only lasted one season there, as I initially quit, then was formally terminated when I received a letter telling me my performance did not meet their standards. I had also gone for my driver's test earlier that year, and failed that before my permit expired a few days later, so that was also a failure. Seems that as I look back, 2000 was a year of setbacks, failures and losses. I did not perform well in anything I did, had a lot of health setbacks (where I actually started the year with a nasty virus), gained a significant amount of weight that my mom pointed out on the way to the doctor's office when I had to have an infection lanced, hurt my back, became highly irritable and moody, oftentimes lashing out at people for no apparent reason, then ended the year suffering from chronic indigestion (I think it was more nerves than anything) and oftentimes feuded with my family or a few people at church. However, one thing that really kept me going was music, which as pointed out by one of my friends, I am obsessed with "and rightfully so." Especially as I became the interim music director at church before assuming the role permanently in 2001 much to the dismay of several people because I was deemed too young. I also didn't realize it at the time, but we also lost our family's patriarchal figure, Uncle Johnny in November of 2000 and now realize what a role model he was in my life and my music (fitting since I'm finally working on a degree in music and have begun composing some of my own music). While 2000 was not the greatest year, 2001 and every subsequent year (with the exception of 2003 and 2009) came in with a new ray of hope.

I have to be honest that as I look back at this decade, there are many great moments and not-so-great moments in my own life and in the world around us with some years being more memorable and others not. Out of the years of this decade, I would say 2002, 2004, 2005, and 2008 were probably the best years for me in this decade. The beginning of 2002 was particularly memorable, as I actually celebrated New Year's Day out of state, as I ventured to Nashville, TN to stay with my Aunt Kelly. I used to hang out here and there with my Aunt Kelly (my mom's little sister), although we would also drive each other crazy as well. However, she was always so youthful (still is) and knew how to have fun, but also brutally honest and told things the way they are. I was nervous, because I never really spent that much time with her, although she also had her roommates Nate and Maggie. It ended up being a great week and she showed me many different sides of Nashville and the slower life that CA doesn't have in its major cities (amidst the fact that we both thought that a majority of the people there are still narrow-minded bigots). It was an eye opening experience, as I had only gotten a small glimpse of Seattle, WA and Washington, DC when I got to go to both cities (get to see Seattle again this summer, as well as Portland, OR). I also got to experience my first NHL game while in Nashville, as Aunt Kelly, Nate, and I all went to the Nashville Predators/Colorado Avalanche game on New Year's Day and what a great time I had. Also got a taste of how a downtown sports arena could do for nightlife (may give my five cents to Sacramento FIRST, a group that is working with our mayor on putting together a new sports and entertainment center for Sacramento). Not just that, but also seeing the Civil War battle sites, the Jack Daniels Distillery (was particularly exciting since I had just turned 21 that August), the Opryland Hotel were all highlights. Then my sister's graduation from high school, performing well in school, and enhancing direction of the choir at church and music were all further highlights of 2002.

In 2003, I finally transferred to Sac State to finish my degree in humanities (which I did in 2005, then asked "where do I go now?"). I also got my first REAL job when I started working for Raley's in June of 2003, following my dad's footsteps and also becoming closer with my dad through working there and alongside many of his former coworkers. 2003 was very uneventful, although 2004 and 2005 became years of change, but also two of the best years I've ever had this decade, where I also met the people who are among my best friends. In January, I left my music director position at church and went to Calvary Lutheran Church in Rio Linda, upsetting many by getting involved after I said I needed a break from music and the church. However, while there, I grew as a musician, grew to appreciate the Lutheran liturgical service, made many new friends, and experienced a renewed faith. It was also in February that I got the news that my dad was being transferred to another store, and that I was too, as he was being transferred back to Raley's in North Highlands where I was at from Citrus Heights, and that I would be going to Citrus Heights. However, that was the best change to happen to me, as I finally got my driver's license, a car, met who is now my best friend, and just enjoyed life. I also lost considerable weight, which continued into 2005.

In 2005, I was in my final semester at Sac State and took a couple classes that were highly influential (thanks Alyson!), and also got a new position in the general merchandise department at the brand new Raley's in Lincoln, which was a great learning experience, but also taught me about the nasty politics in management. I don't want to dwell on that experience, but I have never seen a more dysfunctional management team than the GM department there and being the only guy in the department did not help. I almost lost my job at one point, as I got in a nasty battle with one of my managers that ended up spilling over with the other managers who then went against me. I hated having to go to the director (who is coincidentally my dad's store director now), but it was the best thing I did. I was able to get a transfer to the store on Watt/Marconi and put that experience in Lincoln behind me, while also making some new and close friends while at Watt/Marconi. Also in 2005, I was offered the music director position at the United Methodist Church in Rio Linda again and accepted, thus leaving Calvary Lutheran Church and just in time, as a nasty situation with the pastor and people painfully erupted later that month. However, my heart was not in it, as I had been hurt several times and questioned my musicianship. I was also becoming a different person, as I was living the teenage years I felt like I never had, hanging out with friends, partying, accepting myself for who I am, and trying to find where I want to go in life. I also went on an exciting trip to Disneyland with Alison and another friend and her daughter, making the decision to take time off school and enjoying life easier. 2006 began uneventfully by hanging out with Alison and her boyfriend, something I did on a regular basis. Musicwise, I just wasn't into it and in August, I walked away from music and the church, but came back in March 2007 after some kind of revelation or series of revelations.

Even though I began grad school in 2007 and had a great first semester, I began feeling some rumblings inside of me that made me re-think my purpose in life. I was fully enjoying directing the music at church and was determined to get my master's done, but I just didn't feel I was doing enough. Also in 2008, I moved out of my parents' house and into a house with Alison and Vince, marking a year of sweeping changes. I also accepted a new position as scanning clerk at the Raley's in North Highlands, returning to where I started, which was not the smartest decision, as I liked being a clerk better. I stepped down from scanning two months in, pissing off my store director at the time, but also realizing where my strengths and weaknesses lie. I also experienced the best family vacation in a long time in Chicago with my parents and cousins, before heading North to Wisconsin for the Lindbaum family reunion (my mom's mother's side). It was a vacation I'll never forget. That was also the point I walked away from the master's program and charted the course I'm on now.

There is so much more to this decade than I can ever fit into this single blog post, as there is so much that has happened, but I do enjoy reflecting on my own experiences and the events that have shaped me into who I am today. I honestly could not be where I am today without my family, who has stood by me even amidst the bad decisions that I make and mistakes that I make. Never take your family for granted!! I also can't say enough about my roommates, Alison and Vince, who put up with my all my quirks, but also stand by me all the time through thick and thin. Also my friends, both young and old mean a lot to me. You all teach me something, such my older friends Steve F., Dianne, Steve B., Theresa, Keela, Charles, Sonya, Terri, and all of those at church, as you all show me that you're never too old to have fun. I also owe a lot to my younger friends, Dennis, Alex, Emma, Kimberly, and Jacob, as you have helped me realize I'm still young and bring out my youthful energy that I didn't know I had. I also owe a lot to my teachers over the years at ARC, CSUS, and SCC, particularly Bob, Brian, Sydney, Keith, Josh, Alyson, Dr. Brodd, Dr. Donath, Rob, and Doreen. I have learned not so much academically, but also lessons in life. I look forward to this new year with a renewed sense of hope and energy, but also this decade as well. I hope everyone else does as well, as I wish each and every one of you a happy new year!!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

I Just Can't Help Being Cynical During the Holidays...

It's the most wonderful time of the year
With the kids jingle belling
And everyone telling you "Be of good cheer"
It's the most wonderful time of the year
It's the hap-happiest season of all
With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings
When friends come to call
It's the hap- happiest season of all (Eddie Pola and George Wyle)

Really? Is it really the happiest time of year, or just an illusion of the mind? I'd be inclined to say bullshit, but that'd be a bit harsh. I don't know what the people who wrote that popular holiday song were thinking, but I sure don't feel like it's so happy, or at least the last five years or so or perhaps since the early '90's when commercialism exploded. What is it about the holidays that brings out the worst in people? I mean, c'mon, getting in fights over that last item at Wal-Mart, or camping out two days before a big sale? What happened to the REAL meaning of the holidays and Christmas (as former hockey coach and Hockey Night in Canada commentator Don Cherry puts it, "we all love Santa, but Christmas is baby Jesus birthday" as in this clip here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcerBrY816c). Seems like it's gotten lost, just like Thanksgiving. It goes literally from Halloween to Christmas while skipping Thanksgiving, then as soon as Christmas is over, Valentine's Day. Working in retail these last six years has really opened my eyes to how this rat race is, trying to beat out the competition, trying to sell the hottest new product, outdo each other on decorating. It's disgusting! Now, before anyone gets all bent out of shape, I don't hate the holidays entirely. I do love the Christmas music, the parties, the time with extended family (although going to be a hard one with my grandma's passing in September), etc..

However, I do get disgusted with the commercialism of the season, especially when all the retailers start their decorating in October! And then with radio stations playing the Christmas music in early November is just overkill. And with the fact that it's been in the 70's to low 80's these last few Novembers, I'm not in the mood to see Christmas stuff up when it's warm outside (although we couldn't help it in 1999 when it was in the upper 70's-low 80's around Christmas, as it was more like Christmas in SoCal or Florida; more likely to see Santa at the golf course than at the mall!). Oh, and I was also appalled that a local shopping mall had Santa Claus out on Friday. What the hell? What has happened to the simpler times, when Christmas wasn't thought about until the day after Thanksgiving, or the peace that the world should be feeling during the holidays (although it would be nice to see that peace last the whole year around). I wish the world was a simpler place and that we could slow down and enjoy the season and all it has to offer rather than compete with each other. Is it too much to ask? It's all why I just can't help being cynical during the holidays!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Halfway Down with Another Semester...

At last, that eight weeks has past and it's halfway through another semester. Usually the time when the chaff is separated from the wheat, well, more or less the slackers separated from the dedicated students. It's definitely been a busy semester, especially with music theory, which is very intense on the intermediate level. LOTS of four part harmony, although it's starting to make some sense at last. Sometimes I feel like trying to remember all those nit-picky rules of four part harmony is like putting a vise to the head, but it's worth it in the end (at least I hope). And considering how much I hated theory when I was first studying piano, this isn't so bad. More importantly, I'm having fun and still enjoying it despite the fact it's sometimes frustrating. The other class, applied music is alright, although have had to miss the last couple classes due to a major project at work, Project Simplify (which we'll be glad when it's finished). And of course, I can't go without commenting on the choir, which is a group I hold in high regard and am going to have a hard time saying goodbye to when I move on to UOP, San Jose State, San Francisco State, or wherever I wind up applying to. My closest friends in the choir have also been a Godsend this semester, especially being there for me after my grandma's passing last month. The music has been a nice diversion, especially last week with my mom's hospitalization with celulitis. Now it's onto Handel's "Messiah" (well, the Christmas portion), which is a work I've been wanting to sing in for a long time. Well, for once I'll keep this nice and short, as the semester's not over yet...

Sunday, September 27, 2009

September Update

Amazing how time always seems to go by since the last time I posted something on here. Plus so much has happened that life has been in a perpetual overdrive since April. It's been quite a roller coaster, more like one of those extreme ones that I saw on Travel Channel that goes up at a 90-degree angle and comes back down at a 90-degree angle (no way in Hell will you EVER get me to go on one of those either!). It's also been more sweeping changes to deal with since April, some for the good, and some for the not-so-good.

I managed to make it through my second semester at Sac City College, although ended up just finishing off by singing in the choir and men's ensembles, while dropping the history class due to work and just because I wasn't into it all that much. I liked the professor and the content of the class, but it was too early for me, especially when I had choir until 10 the night before, then had to be up early the next day. Plus there was a lot on my mind as well that just distracted me from my school work, but then again, I was going to take the semester off as well. I just needed the break, but will continue the class next semester. However, it was a delight to sing the second half of Mendelssohn's oratorio, Elijah (just got the CD back and it was great!). Plus the new friends I have made in the SCC choir already feel like family to me, as well as our director, whose daughter was my first piano teacher.

In late May, we had a major upheaval at work with our upper management. While I cannot say what exactly happened, it all ended up being for the better, as we got a new store director and assistant director that actually care about the employees and don't treat us like dogs. They let us do our job (as long as we follow policy) and I feel like I can talk to them about many things. Plus in July, we also got a new general merchandise manager and he has been a godsend as well. I worked with his sister previously and he is just as fun to work with as his sister was. Plus we have several friends in common, love our Mexican food, and beer!! Granted that the district management doesn't decide to make more changes, it's going to be hard to say goodbye when I move to the Stockton area next year.

In late July, said good riddance to living in The Arbors in Antelope and moved to the Citrus Heights/Roseville area into a townhouse style apartment. I actually love it, and the surrounding area. Been able to walk about 2.5-3 miles in the area and not feel like I'm going to get jumped or shot at. It's also semi-rural in the area behind us, which is a lot like the area I spent almost most of my life around.

As for travels, didn't do as much as I would have liked to. Did a few random drives here and there, particularly along the river and have gone down to Rio Vista a couple times, looking for places I might want to stop and eat at in the future, or other parts I would like to explore more along the Delta. So far, Walnut Grove and Isleton seem to have a nice variety of restaurants and kitschy shops worth exploring. Then in June, Alison and I made my first (her seventh or so) trip to Vegas and it was quite an experience. So much to see and do and no wonder they call it "Sin City" (then again, it's funner to commit sin than confess it). Didn't go too wild, although did enjoy the strong drinks, reading by the poolside (basically "wasting away in Margaritaville"), exploring the shops in each of the major hotels, and the food. However, it's not cheap, so I probably won't be going back for awhile. Still, I'm happy with Reno and Tahoe (despite the fact there's not all that much to do in Reno, although Rum Bullions at Silver Legacy makes one great Bahama Mama!!). Then in August, went to Monterey with Alison for my 29th birthday and what a way to live it up before I turn the big 3-0 next August!! Left Citrus Heights at 6am and made it into downtown Monterey around 10am, then spent most of the early part at the Monterey Bay Aquarium (the seahorse exhibit was extremely fascinating!). Then too the seventeen mile drive through Pebble Beach into Carmel and talk about God's country right there. I've never seen anything more beautiful than that (next to Lake Tahoe). Had a very nice birthday dinner at Louie Linguini's, then ice cream at Ghirardelli's below (all while taking in a nice sunset and ocean view). Next morning, had a good breakfast at a little sidewalk cafe/coffeeshop, then went to Santa Cruz and the Mystery Spot and Boardwalk. The Mystery Spot is definitely odd, as there is some kind of gravitational force where a cabin was built there that makes for some weird stuff. Of course, the Boardwalk was quite fun as well (and the roller coaster there wasn't too bad). I do love being a kid at heart there (and getting a nice tan). However, it was really hard to return to work after that vacation.

Unfortunately, things haven't gone so well this month. My grandparents had both accepted my parents offer to move in with them, with my grandpa moving in in August, then my grandma joining them after her release from Manor Care. Well, Grandma did get released, but only stayed with them two days when I get a phone call telling me that she was in the hospital after an apparent stroke and that the prognosis wasn't good. What a sinking feeling, after a nice weekend, but after the support of friends, and another drive along the river, came to terms that she was heading to a better place, which she went to when she passed away on the 19th. While it was hard to swallow (and still is), a friend made a point that she basically came home to say goodbye, which could not have been a better goodbye, after spending a nice afternoon, playing the CD from the Mendelssohn concert, and a nice tri-tip dinner. But, this feeling of sadness remains and probably will for some time, even though we had a beautiful memorial service at our church for her last Thursday. And it was also great to see family I hadn't seen in a long time, or even friends of the family I hadn't seen in awhile either. Still, I really have nothing to look forward to with the upcoming holidays, as she and my grandpa were always there for them, plus half our other family now lives out of state now anyway. I wish I could end on a more cheerful note, but my cheerfulness just isn't there for now. But, will continue trying to think happy thoughts, especially with the cooler weather coming. Until the next time...

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

April Showers, Allergy Season, and Spring Break

While I should be working on writing a paper for my music history class, I just can't seem to get motivated, especially since it's due on Monday. I don't understand why professors do this to students, as I have no plans of assigning papers or homework on the weekends or vacation for the simple fact that most students aren't going to do it (unless they're highly dedicated or have no life). Still, can't get away from the reading, though (especially since for grad school you sometimes have to be able to read entire novels within a week). Unfortunately, allergies have also put my mind in a bit of a fog, coupled with this cold I'm coming down with just in time for Easter.

Weather also seems to have turned a 360, going from springlike back to winter overnight. Only our first rain of April, as after all, April showers bring May flowers, although it seems like out here in CA, it starts earlier thanks to climate change (although we maybe had only one 80 degree day, making it a normal spring). Kind of fitting considering the stuff that's been in the news. The biggest story was how they authorities found Sandra Cantu's body, bringing back memories of Polly Klass in 1992 (which hit home at the time because Polly was the same age as I was at the time). I don't understand why people do such things and hope they find this sick son-of-a-bitch that did this act to an innocent little girl. I would love nothing more than to see this child-killer dismembered, stuffed in a suitcase, and thrown into a canal just as he did to this child! I have ZERO compassion for people like that and I hope justice finds him swiftly and severely. It's no wonder parents have to micromanage their kids anymore because of these threats and perverts out there. Plus add the continuing rise of unemployment and mass killings and it's no wonder the news is unbearable to watch. But, there is hope out there considering the stock market is slowly turning around and the housing crisis seems to have settled a little bit. So, time will tell.

Friday, February 27, 2009

A Busy Two Weeks

Since posting this, I had hoped to do some writing about the world, life, etc., but life has gotten in the way as of late. Been working a lot this last month, which is nice for the paycheck, not so nice on the body. But, must remind myself (and am reminded by others) that I have a job while many others presently don't. Can't take it for granted, as I could be on the other end, scrounging for work, begging for money because I can't eat (although could probably live on fat reserves for awhile), or doing anything out of desperation. But, there's hope for a turnaround, as nothing lasts forever. As one commentator on The Mike O'Meara show mentioned last week, this is only temporary and we just need to weather this storm. I hope she's right. So, until vacation starts in a couple weeks, it's all a matter of working as much as I can.